Orochimaru's Cookies
by Kyubbisealer
Summary: Orochimaru is baking cookies. People can only get cookies from Orochimaru. They can’t make their own or they get sent to jail in Otogakure. Are these cookies really that good? SasuxSaku. OOCness. Chap. 2 has Pancakes
1. Orochimaru's Cookies

Orochimaru's Cookies.

A/N: This story came to me from an anonymous reviewer. When I read the idea a plot bunny was formed. So here I am writing this. I'm not sure on pairings yet. Most likely Sasuke and Sakura. With a hint of Naruto and Hinata.

Summary: Orochimaru is baking cookies. People can only get cookies from Orochimaru. They can't make their own or they get sent to jail in Otogakure. Are these cookies really that good? SasuxSaku. OOC-ness.

Disclaimer: Nope don't own it. Might want to. But I can't. Because I'm poor.

* * *

Orochimaru's lair:

Kabuto was busy doing the dishes when Orochimaru came in. He goes over to the pantry and gets his apron and chef's hat.

"Kabuto, where's Sasuke?"

"He's training."

"Oh, well call him here."

Kabuto dries his hands and goes outside. Sasuke appears right in front of him.

"What do you want Kabuto?"

"Orochimaru, wants to talk to you."

"Fine."

Sasuke went into the kitchen.

"Sasuke, I have a mission for you."

"What?"

"Go to Sand and murder Gaara."

Sasuke smirked.

'_this is just what I need to leave this creep and return to Konoha and to my Sakura._'

"Fine, I'll leave now."

Orochimaru just nodded. When Sasuke left Orochimaru went to work baking cookies.

"Okay Kabuto, let's get to work baking cookies."

* * *

In Konoha at some random house:

"Hey, Hinata-chan!"

"Y-Yes?"

"Do you want cookies?"

"Y-Yes."

"Okay."

This random person (A/N: Name starts with N.) got the things needed for cookies.

"Let's see, I wonder if I can make Ramen cookies?"

Then people from sound broke in.(If you haven't figured out who this person is then I will tell you.)

"Naruto Uzumaki, you are under arrest."

"Why?"

"For baking cookies."

Naruto was then dragged all the way to a jail in Otogakure.

* * *

With Sakura:

Sakura was busy fixing dinner when someone knocked on her door.

"Come in."

The door opened and Sasuke came in and tackled her to the floor.

"Sasuke! What are you doing here?"

Sasuke looked at her and then kissed her.

"Sakura, I love you."

"I love you too, Sasuke-kun."

* * *

Orochimaru's lair:

"Kabuto, shouldn't Sasuke be back by now?"

Orochimaru was still making cookies. He made like 1,000 cookies so far.

"Yes, I received word from our correspondents in Sand. Sasuke never showed."

Orochimaru just shrugged and continued baking cookies.

"He probably went back to Konoha."

Again Orochimaru just shrugged and continued baking cookies.

"Orochimaru, Sasuke left and you just want to bake cookies all day!?!"

"Yes."

* * *

At some other random house in Konoha:

"Lee, my youthful student, why don't we bake some youthful cookies?"  
"Yes, Gai-sensei!"

Gai and Lee started to bake cookies. Then sound ninja appeared.

"Gai and Bushy Brows, you are under arrest for baking cookies."

"Lee, we'll spread our youth in jail."

"Yes, Gai-sensei!"

Lee and Gai were dragged away to jail hugging and yelling about youth.

* * *

With Itachi:

"Deidara, make me cookies."

"No, if I do that then I'll get sent to jail."

"No you won't."

"Yes I will. Orochimaru arrests anyone who makes cookies. I'll go buy some from him."

"Fine, I'll go too."

* * *

With Kakashi:

"Sakura where's Naruto?"

"I don't know."

"Let's go look for him."

So Sasuke, Sakura, and Kakashi all went to Naruto's apartment and found a note on the front door. It said:

"_If you want to see Naruto,_

_Gai, and Bushy Brows again,_

_Come and Buy cookies at_

_Orochimaru's Bakery!"_

"Orochimaru's Bakery? Sasuke, do you know anything about this?"

"No, although he was baking cookies when I left."

* * *

With Tsunade:

Tsunade is eating some of Orochimaru's cookies with a bottle of sake.

"Damn, these are good cookies. Shizune, get me team 7. I've got a mission for them."

When team 7 got there, Tsunade looked confused.

"Where's Naruto?"

"He's in a sound jail."

"Well perfect. You all can get him when you buy me more cookies."

Sakura got really mad.

"THAT'S ARE MISSION? TO BRING YOU BACK COOKIES?"

"Yes."

Sakura dragged Sasuke and Kakashi all the way to sound.

"Man, I've got to learn not to piss her off."

* * *

With Naruto, Gai, Lee, and Konohamaru:

"Konohamaru, why are you here?"

"Because Boss, I made cookies."

"Me too."  
"Me three."

"Me four."

Just then a wall broke down.

"Naruto, come on! We need to get Tsunade's cookies."

"Okay."

* * *

With Orochimaru:

Orochimaru now had 1,000,000 cookies, in boxes ready to be shipped.

"Orochimaru, I need 3 boxes of cookies."

"Sasuke! Welcome back!"

"I'm not here to stay. Just give me the cookies and you will never see me again."

"Fine here."

Orochimaru gave Sasuke 3 boxes of cookies. When Sasuke turned to leave, Itachi appeared.

"Itachi!"

"Sasuke, what are you doing here?"

"I'm picking up cookies for Tsunade."

"Oh."

Sasuke left and Itachi got his cookies and followed. They saw a bunch of plastic wrappers in the dumpsters. Itachi saw that they were instant cookie wrappers.

"Orochimaru has been selling cookies from a package."

Itachi and Sasuke ran back into the lair. Orochimaru looked at them.

"Is something wrong?"

"Yes, you have been selling packaged cookies."

Orochimaru looked scared. Sasuke powered up the chidori and Itachi got ready to attack. Orochimaru used a jutsu and disappeared. Kakashi and Sakura and Naruto came in and saw Itachi and Sasuke.

"Sasuke-kun! Let's get back to Konoha!"

"Hn."

* * *

Epilogue: They all went back to Konoha and lived happily ever after.

* * *

A/N: So tell me what you think. Again this was in a review. No Flames. My 4th fic. Please review! (puppy dog eyes) 


	2. Orochimaru's Pancakes

Kyubbisealer: Yes, I know, I need to get Cutest Couple finished. But I had an urge to write another Chapter for Orochimaru's Cookies.

Naruto: Gee, Kyubbisealer, Your really scary some times.

Sakura: She's not scarier than Tsunade.

Sasuke: No one is scarier than Tsunade.

Kyubbisealer: YOSH!!! I DON'T OWN THE YOUTHFUL NARUTO!!!

At Sasuke's house:

"Sakura-chan! I want some Pancakes!"

"Sasuke, we don't have the ingredients for Pancakes."

Naruto sighed.

"Everyone in Konoha is out of the ingredients."

"What?"

Sasuke stepped towards Naruto.

"Do you mean that the ingredients were stolen?"

Naruto nodded. Sasuke was pissed. Nobody prevented Sasuke from getting his Pancakes. He stormed off to the market and when he got there he went to the frozen foods and was going to grab some frozen pancakes but there was only one kind!

_OTO PANCAKES_

Tsunade, Shizune, Jiraya, and Sakura were standing beside him.

"What are OTO PANCAKES?"

"Like hell I know."

"Tsunade, can you help me with my research?"

"FUCK NO!!!"

"Lady Tsunade!!! Don't Kill Him!!!"

Sasuke grabbed five boxes and then headed for the checkout line. After he paid he grabbed Sakura and dragged her home.

Orochimaru's lair:

"Kabuto, come and help me make pancakes."  
"Orochimaru, didn't we go through this before?"

Orochimaru looked at Kabuto.

"That was with cookies. These are pancakes. I'm making them from scratch."

Kabuto sighed and grabbed an apron. Then he saw Orochimaru put something extra in the batter.

"What did you just put in there?"

"Nothing."

With Tsunade:

"Shizune come and try these Pancakes!"

Tsunade stabbed a pancake and ate it. Then she started to act weird.

"I must obey Orochimaru. I must also eat more pancakes!"

Tsunade got up and went to the window and got ready to jump out when Shizune grabbed her.

"Lady Tsunade! Where are you going? You have a meeting with Lord Hyuga about Hinata!"

"I'm going to Orochimaru. I must obey Orochimaru."

Shizune knocked Tsunade out and led her over to a couch. Then she grabbed the pancakes and threw them all away.

"These pancakes are the reason she's acting weird, I'm sure of it."

She went over to the door and hollered down the hall.

"GET ME SOME NINJA! I'VE GOT A MISSION THAT NEEDS TAKEN CARE OF IMMEADEATLY!!!"

Sasuke's house:

"Sasuke, why are you saying that you have to return to Orochimaru?"

"Because Orochimaru is my master. Orochimaru is the only one that matters."

Sakura started to cry.

"S-Sasuke, I-I thought t-that you l-l-loved m-me."

"I love no one but Orochimaru."

That's when Sakura got pissed.

"YOU SAID THAT YOU LOVED ME! BUT NOW YOU SAY THAT YOU ONLY LOVE THAT SNAKE PERVERT! I'LL KILL YOU!"

Sakura slammed a chakra-powered fist into Sasuke's face. Just then the door to the Uchiha manor opened and Kakashi had to duck so Sasuke wouldn't hit him as he flew out the door.

"Sakura, why did you hit Sasuke?"

"Because he said that he loved Orochimaru and no one else."

Kakashi shook his head.

"Sakura grab Sasuke and go to the Hokage tower and wait for me and Naruto there."

"Okay."

In the Akatsuki lair:

Itachi walked out of his room.

"Deidara! Where are those pancakes that you promised?"

Toby came bouncing up to Itachi with a plate and a fork.

"Toby, there is nothing on this plate."

"I know."

"Then why the hell did you bring it to me?"

"Because Deidara-sama told me to."

Itachi sighed.

"Toby where are the pancakes?"

"I don't know."

Itachi grabbed Toby and dragged him to the kitchen. When he got there he put Toby in a chair and sat down next to him. He looked around at the other members of the Akatsuki.

"Where's Deidara?"

Kisame pointed to the bathroom. Just then Deidara burst out of the bathroom.

"The pancakes are done!"

Deidara threw pancakes onto the plates in front of his fellow Akatsuki members. Before they started eating they heard snoring coming from the far side of the table. Pein fell asleep face down in his pancakes. His face was covered in syrup. Itachi shook his head and started to eat but stopped. Everyone started to eat and then they stated to act weird. Toby stood up.

"We must obey Orochimaru-sama."

Everyone but Pein and Itachi stood up and nodded their heads to show that they agreed. They all left. Itachi went over to Pein.

"Pein! Get up you bastard. We need to find out where those pancakes were made that Deidara served us."  
"Why?"

"Because they made everyone act weird."

"Oh."

Itachi grabbed the box of pancakes.

"OTO Pancakes. No it couldn't be. He wouldn't. PEIN! Come on we're going to Sound!"

All he heard was snoring. Itachi sighed. Looks like he has to do this alone.

Orochimaru's lair: 

"Kabuto! Where did you go?"  
Kabuto held his breath when Orochimaru passed the closet he was hiding in.

_Maybe Orochimaru won't notice that I'm in here. I can't believe that he wants to make pancakes to sell. I've seen the stuff he puts in the batter. It's a mind control liquid. Who knows who's coming here._

"I found you Kabuto."

"Crap."

Hokage Tower:

Shizune was sitting in the Hokage chair when team 7 walked in.

"Good, you guys are perfect for this mission. What's wrong with Sasuke?"

Sasuke was slung over Sakura's shoulder. Just then he woke up, broke out of Sakura's grip and jumped out of the window.

"SASUKE!!! GET BACK HERE!!!"

"Sakura, he's probably going to Orochimaru. That's where Tsunade was going to go before I slipped her something to make her sleep. Now, you three go after Sasuke and shut down OTO Pancakes."

They all nodded and went after Sasuke.

With Sasuke:

"Must get to Orochimaru."

He showed up at the door of the lair and all of the Akatsuki (Except for Itachi and Pein) were there as well.

Kabuto opened the door and everyone went in to Orochimaru.

"Lord Orochimaru, we are here to obey you."

"Good, go grab an apron and half of you start mixing pancake batter. The rest of you do the dishes. Kabuto, come and help me."  
Kabuto started to walk towards Orochimaru when he saw Sasuke.

"Orochimaru, Sasuke's back! Quick lets get him and start training him again!"

"No."

"WHAT?"

"N-O. No."

Kabuto stared at Orochimaru dumbfounded."  
"_Sasuke_ is back. You just want him to help with your stupid pancake company?!?"

"Yes."

Kabuto fell over anime style.

Outside of the lair:

"Alright, Sakura, don't overreact when you see Sasuke. Remember that he didn't know what he was thinking when he said that he only loved Orochimaru."

"I know, I know."

Team 7 (minus Sasuke) was standing outside the lair. They heard something in the bushes. Naruto took out a kunai.

"Come out of the bushes with your hands up!"

Itachi stood up and walked out of the bushes.

"Why hello, Sakura. I take it from the fact that my brother isn't with you he ate some OTO Pancakes?"

"Yes."

"Poor Sasuke. He always had a thing with pancakes. Besides tomatoes, pancakes were the only other thing he loved to eat. But I think that after today he will hate pancakes."

"Look, Itachi, unless you want to help destroy Orochimaru's pancakes, then leave."

"Oh, Sakura I will help, but I'm mainly here to get the Akatsuki back."

"Whatever. Come on let's go."

In the lair:

"SASUKE UCHIHA!!! I'M COMING TO GET YOU!!!"

Sasuke looked up from the dishes he was working on.

_Whoa was that Sakura?_

_**Yes, she came to save us.**_

_Save us?_

_**Yes, from Orochimaru.**_

_Oh yeah._

_**Idiot.**_

Orochimaru looked up from the batter he was stirring. Just then Team 7 (minus Sasuke) and Itachi came in. Itachi went over to the Akatsuki and stared at them all in the eyes with his sharinggan. They all snapped out of the trance they were in.

"Itachi, what are we doing here? And, why the hell are we all wearing flowery aprons with lace?"

"Because Orochimaru, used mind control on you and made you help him with his pancake company."

The Akatsuki werepissed.

Meanwhile, Sakura went over to Sasuke and slapped him.

"I love Orochi-"

Sakura cut him off with a kiss. Sasuke snapped out of his trance and started to kiss back. When they broke apart, Sasuke glared at Orochimaru. The Akatsuki went over to him. Sasuke activated his sharinggan.

"Listen up Orochimaru, we'll give you three seconds to run. 1, 2, 3."

Orochimaru started to run but was stopped when the Akatsuki and Sasuke. They all started to beat Orochimaru to a pulp. When they were done Sasuke went over to Itachi.

"Next time we meet, I hope that it will be when I kill you."

Itachi smirked at Sasuke.

"AKATSUKI! Let's go!"

The Akatsuki left. Team 7 looked around and left too. The only ones left were Orochimaru and Kabuto.

"Now, I hope that you've learned your lesson Orochimaru."

"I have. Never EVER have the Akatsuki or Sasuke wear flowery and frilly aprons."

Kyubbisealer: Well did everyone learn their lesson?

Naruto: Never prevent Sasuke from getting Pancakes?

Sakura: Never buy OTO Pancakes?

Sasuke: Never tell Sakura that you love Orochimaru?

Kyubbisealer: NO! The lesson is never allow Orochimaru to make pancakes.

Kakashi: Please review for Kyubbisealer's sake.


	3. Orochimaru's Doughnuts

Kyubbisealer: Hola! I'm now writing Orochimaru's Doughnuts!

Sakura: Doughnuts? Why doughnuts?

Sasuke: Because maybe she likes doughnuts?

Naruto: She should have Orochimaru make ramen!

Kyubbisealer: SHUT UP!!! Maybe next time I'll do a ramen based story.

Naruto: AWESOME!!! (Holds up a sign that says: Kyubbisealer doesn't own Naruto, while dancing around like a little monkey.)

* * *

At The Uchiha Manor:

"Sasuke-kun do you love me?"

"Yes, I do. How many times are you going to ask me that?"

"Tons of times, I just want to make sure that you remember that you love me always."

"Why?"  
"Don't you remember Sasuke-kun, when you said that you only loved Orochimaru?"

Sasuke made a face.

"Sakura, I was under Orochimaru's control then."

"So. That really hurt me when you said that. I cried an awful lot. You can just ask around."

Sasuke shook his head. Sakura had been reminding him of this ever since they got back. Just then Naruto burst through the manor doors.

"Guess what! They have new flavor of doughnuts at the store! RAMEN FLAVOR!!! And there is a contest too. The person who finds the winning box gets a free tour of the factory!"  
Sasuke and Sakura just looked at each other.

"Naruto-kun, ramen flavored doughnuts sound really gross."

"Yeah dobe, don't they have any other flavor?"

"NOPE!!!"

* * *

Orochimaru's lair:

Kabuto walked into the kitchen and saw Orochimaru surrounded by a bunch of boxes.

"Lord Orochimaru, what may I ask are you doing?"

"Nothing."

"My lord, I know you better than that. Especially as of late."

Orochimaru threw a bag of doughnuts and a box at Kabuto. It read:

_NEW RAMEN FLAVORED DOUGHNUTS_

_(WINNER OF THE CONTEST GETS TO_

_BRING 10 FRIENDS WITH THEM ON_

_A TOUR OF THE FACTORY!)_

"My lord, this doesn't sound much like a good plan."

"Kabuto, you will help or else. You will also not criticize me on the fact that no one will buy these doughnuts. Because there is one person who will buy it."

"Yes, Lord Orochimaru."

* * *

At Naruto's house:

"I WON!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT I WON!!!"

Naruto was jumping up and down. Sasuke and Sakura where just staring at him.

"I also get to take 10 people with me to the factory. I'll take, Kakashi, Sakura, Sasuke, Hinata, Tsunade, Jiraya, Tenten, Neji, Ino, and Shikamaru."

"Naruto, just where is this factory?"

"It says that it is around the Sound Village. Why?"

"Naruto, it's probably Orochimaru trying to capture you."

"No way. Why would he make ramen flavored doughnuts just to capture me?"

Sasuke shook his head. He couldn't believe Naruto was asking this question.

"Look, dobe, lets just go and if it is Orochimaru, then we will kick his sorry ass, again."

* * *

Akatsuki Compound:

"TOBY!!!"

Pein was officially pissed. Toby had been in Pein's room eating some form of doughnuts. And they smelled like ramen.

"Toby is a good boy leader. Toby didn't do anything."

Itachi smirked as Toby slowly backed away from their leader.

"Pein. Those doughnuts were made by Orochimaru."

"Yeah, so what."

"So let's just go beat him to a pulp for making these doughnuts which he obviously made to capture the Kyubbi vessel."

Pein obviously considered this.

"Alright."

* * *

At the doughnut factory:

"WE'RE HERE!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT WE'RE FINALLY HERE!"

Everyone sweat dropped at the blonde idiot's excitement. Tsunade stepped forward.

"Naruto shut up. I can sense chakra signatures coming this way."

And she was right. Just after she said that the Akatsuki came out of the bushes.

"Why, little brother, what brings you here?"

"Itachi why are you here?"

"Because that stupid Orochimaru made doughnuts that caused Pein to get pissed off at Toby."

"Whatever. We are here for the tour that the dobe won."

"Oh."

Itachi and Sasuke both started for the door.

Inside the factory (a.k.a. Orochimaru's lair):

"Please Lord Orochimaru. No more."

"Kabuto, you tried to stop me. I told you that you shouldn't do that."

"I'm sorry My lord."

"Sorry won't cut it Kabuto. NOW EAT MORE OF THE DOUGHNUTS!!!"

Since Kabuto refused Orochimaru forced open his mouth and shoved a bunch of disgusting doughnuts into it. Just then Sasuke and Itachi burst in fighting. Sasuke used the chidori and Itachi was using a special jutsu that he created. Sakura and the others were following and just watched as Sasuke and Itachi destroy the "factory."

"STOP DESTROYING MY FACTORY!!!"

Orochimaru was just a bit pissed that his factory was being destroyed by the two Uchiha brothers. Well after they were both exhausted and the dust settled, the factory was completely destroyed. And Orochimaru was crying because of the factory, and Kabuto was crying because of the fact that he had been forced to eat like 1,000 of those nasty doughnuts.

"Hey, Orochimaru, never make doughnuts that could cause this to happen again. Because if you do, then I'm afraid that we might have to really hurt you. Bye."

And with that everyone left.

* * *

Kyubbisealer: Well what did you think?

Naruto: Can I have some ramen flavored doughnuts?

Sakura: NO! They don't really exist. They were just something that she made up.

Kyubbisealer: Yeah, exactly. Now please review.


	4. Author

A/N: I have decided that the next chapter to this fic will be Orochimaru's Tomatoes. Courtesy of xxCherryBlossomsxx. So in the chapter there will be a dedication to her. I know that this is short but if you have any comments then review.


	5. Orochimaru's Tomatoes

Kyubbisealer: Alright, before I get this fic started, I want to say thank you to xxCherryBlossomsxx for this idea. Naruto give her, the prize!

Naruto: You get a years worth of ramen!

(Everybody looks to where the prize was supposed to be.)

Kyubbisealer: Naruto, did you eat all of the ramen?

Naruto: Y-yes, but it was so good!

Kyubbisealer: Gaara! Sand Coffin his ass and do the disclaimer!

Gaara: Fine, SAND COFFIN! Kyubbisealer doesn't own Naruto.

* * *

Orochimaru's lair:

Kabuto was really tired. That doughnut incident wore him out. He walked into his room and saw tomatoes. Lots of tomatoes. he walked back out to make sure it was his room. On the door it said _"Kabuto's room"_ in big pink letters with hearts and flowers on it. He went back in and still saw tomatoes. He looked around and saw Orochimaru with a bright pink watering can skipping around watering the tomatoes, singing the Barney song "I love you, you love me".

"Hey, Orochimaru you do know that that song is gay right?"

"Yes, but Kabuto-kun you are obviously gay because of the sign on your door."  
"Yeah, well, at least I'm not a child molester!"

Orochimaru looked shocked.

"I'm not a child molester."

Just then the Akatsuki appeared out of no where. And Pein stepped forward.

"Orochimaru, you son of a bitch, that's a fucking lie. You're more of a child molester than Michael Jackson."

"N-no I'm not!"

Kabuto slapped his head and slowly walked backwards trying to get out of his room before Orochimaru roped him into helping him with these tomatoes. Unfortunately for Kabuto the Akastuki left and Orochimaru saw him trying to leave.

"Where do you think that you are going Kabuto-kun? You have to help me with the tomatoes."

"Crap. HELP ME SOMEONE!!!"

* * *

Hokage tower:

Tsunade was sitting at her desk, with Sasuke and Sakura standing in front of her.

"Now Sasuke are you sure you'll be able go to the Akatsuki compound without beating Itachi to a pulp? because we need their cooperation to figure out whose behind these new tomatoes and tomato based products."

"Of course I'll be able to handle myself."

Sakura looked at Sasuke's hair. It turned red after he ate some of those new tomatoes. He tried everything he could to make it go back to blue.

"I'll make sure he does my lady. By the way where is Naruto?"

"I had to send him on a mission with Kakashi. That's all you need to need to know Sakura."

Tsunade winked at Sasuke, which went unnoticed by Sakura.

"Now go."

* * *

In the Uchiha district:

Kakashi-sensei, why do we have to prepare teme's place for him and Sakura-chan?"

"Because, the Hokage asked us to."

Naruto just grumbled.

"It's teme's house, he should have to take care of this place. Not us."

"Naruto, quit complaining. Let's get this done that way, you can go home to Hinata, and I can go see Anko."

"Anko, Kakashi-sensei I didn't you liked Anko-sensei."

"I don't, I didn't say that. Where did you hear that?"

"From you. Well whatever, I'm sure glad that tomato thing happened or else we wouldn't have been able to keep Sakura-chan away from the manor."

"I know. Do you think that Orochimaru is behind these tomatoes?"

* * *

Orochimaru's lair:

"Okay, hopefully he didn't see me leave the lair, because if he did then I am a dead man."

"Kabuto-kun, it's not good to talk to yourself."

"Crap, where did you come from?!?!"

"I saw you leave. Now as your punishment, you must eat a tomato."

"N-NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

* * *

Akatsuki lair:

"Sasuke-kun where is you brother? He might be able to get us out of this situation."

Sasuke and Sakura had reached the Akatsuki compound and just as they entered the building they were attacked by Hidan. (Who was away on some Jashin thing when the Akatsuki agreed to not harm Naruto and the others.) Our favorite ninja couple just so happened to be chained together and dangling upside down over a large barrel of acid. Just then Pein, Itachi, Deidara, Toby, and Kisame walked into the room. They saw Hidan looking very, very evil.

"Hidan what the hell do you think you are doing?"

"Well Pein, I'm hanging leaf village ninja over this rather large barrel of acid."

Itachi walked over and released Sasuke and Sakura before they fell into the acid.

"Hidan, we are at peace with them. You were at your Jashin meeting with everyone else that worships Jashin."

Itachi looked at Sasuke.

"What in earth happened to your hair little brother?"

"I ate a tomato that changed my hair color to red. Sakura and I are here to ask for help with our mission to find the culprit and smash all of his tomatoes."

"OF COURSE, WE'LL HELP YOU!!! NOBODY GETS AWAY WITH CHANGING THE HAIR COLOR OF AN UCHIHA!!! We will help right after we paint our fingernails and toenails. Also after our nails dry."

Sasuke and Sakura sweat dropped after Itachi's little gay announcement.

* * *

Three hours later:

"Lets go Sasuke-kun! Itachi come on!"

"I'm coming Sakura, by, the way has anyone ever told you that red is really your color?"

"No. You would be the first."

They were on their way to Orochimaru's lair. Pein told them that Orochimaru had a bunch of tomatoes in his lair.

"Sasuke, your brother is really gay."

"I know. Hey Sakura, I have a question for you."  
"What is it?"

Just then they reached the lair. They heard a loud scream from within.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! MY HAIR!!! MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT YOU DID THIS TO MY HAIR!!!"

Kabuto came running out. They saw that his hair was red just like Sasuke's.

"Kabuto, where is Orochimaru?"

"In my room. It's the one with the sign on it that says Kabuto's room in pink letters with hearts and flowers on it!"

"Damn Itachi, he could be as gay as you. But neither of you are as gay as Orochimaru."

They all went inside and found Kabuto's room. when they opened the door, they saw Orochimaru with his bright pink watering can.

"Hello Sasuke-kun, Itachi-kun, Sakura-chan! Do you want a tomato?"

"No we don't want one of your fucking tomatoes! We came to smush them."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

The couple along with Sasuke's gay brother smushed all of Orochimaru's tomatoes.

"That's what you deserve you gay bastard."

Orochimaru was whimpering on the floor like a baby.

"By the way Sakura, what I was going to ask you before was if you wanted to marry me. So, do you want to marry me?"

"HELL YEAH!!!!"

"Oh boy a wedding! Can I help plan it?"

"No way you need to keep your gay self away from me and my fiancé."

So our newly engaged couple went back to Konoha, leaving a poor gay bastard on the floor crying. Then Kabuto came back and saw Orochimaru.

"Get up and clean my room."  
"Fine, but after, I have to start preparing for my next great plan!!!"

* * *

Kyubbisealer: Well I know, there was quite a bit of OOC-ness. What do you think Orochimaru's next plan is?

Sakura: A party for gay people?

Sasuke: Start a club for the gay people of the world?

Naruto: Write perverted books for a living?

Kyubbisealer: No. No. And that's what Jiraya does for a living. You will have to wait for the next chapter to find out. Please R&R!J


	6. Orochimaru's catering

Kyubbisealer:What's up? This chapter is about Sasuke and Sakura's wedding!

Sakura: WEDDING! OH MY GOD! I HAVE SO MANY THINGS THAT I NEED TO DO!!

Sasuke: Calm down Sakura. Kyubbisealer has it covered. All we have to do it get the tuxes and dresses. Sakura: Thank God.

Tsunade: Kyubbisealer doesn't own Naruto. But Kishimoto-sensei does.

WARNING: OOC-NESS!! (But only some charecters are really, really OOC!)

* * *

Leaf Village Entrance:

Sasuke was walking into the Leaf Village after a short mission to Suna. He had to go and help Gaara with something. As soon as he stepped in the village he regretted finshing his mission early. The whole village seemed to be extremly busy. There where signs everywhere about wedding services, catering, bridal shops, and practically anything else that has to do with a wedding.

"What the hell is going on? I propose to Sakura, leave for a mission, and come back and the whole village is talking about stuff for a wedding."

Then Sasuke saw a blonde female and a pineapple headed male walking towards him.

"Hi Sasuke-kun!"

"What's up Sasuke?"

"Who told the entire village about me and Sakura getting married? Ino?"

"Well, Sakura, Tsunade, Shizune, Tenten, Hinata, and I were all talking about it and I guess some other people heard and then well you know the rest."

"I don't believe this. I'm going home."

* * *

Orochimaru's lair:

Kabuto was walking back into the lair after coming back from Suna and he saw 4 vans with OTO CATERING SERVICE on the side. Kabuto slapped his forehead.

"_I can't believe this. He's started a catering service?!"_

Kabuto walked over to one of the vans. Orochimaru was loading different things into all of the vans.

"Orochimaru, just what do you think you're doing?"

"Preparing for Sasuke-kun's wedding."

"Why?"

"So I can have little Sasukes running around."

Kabuto slapped his forehead.

"Orochimaru, do you really believe that Sasuke and Sakura are going to just let you take their kids?"

"Yes, yes I do."

Kabuto fell over anime style.

* * *

Akatsuki compound:

"La la la. I'm so happy. Oh so happy!"

Itachi was skipping around the compound like a complete idiot. Kisame entered the area that Itachi was currently in, and stood there completely and utterly shocked.

"Itachi, what in the hell are you doing?"

"Skipping."

"Why?"

"Because I'm happy that my little brother is getting married."

"Why?"

"Because, weddings are joyous occasions."

"Itachi, you have been acting completely gay and really weird since Orochimaru grew those weird tomatoes."

"That's because, I ran out of my emo/stoic murderer pills."

"Then let's go get you a lifetime supply of them. Using Kakuzu's credit cards."

"Okay."

Just then Kakuzu walked in.

"Did you say something about my credit cards?"

"No. But can we see one of them really quick? I just want to see one to know if I should get one."

"Oh, sure. Here you go. I just got this one in the mail yesterday it hasn't even been used!"

"Um, alright whatever."

Kisame grabbed the credit card and Itachi and ran before Kakuzu knew what happened.

"HEY KISAME, GET BACK HERE WITH MY CREDIT CARD!!"

* * *

Uchiha Manor:

"SAKURA! WHERE ARE YOU?"

Sasuke was home and he was pissed off. Sakura came down the stairs and looked at Sasuke warily.

"Yes Sasuke-kun?"

"Why did you and everyone else have to talk about the wedding around Ino?"

"Well, you see, Ino had to know. Because she's going to be my Maid of Honor."

Sasuke sighed.

"Sakura, I didn't want a big wedding. But now I'm going to have one. And it doesn't help that I have a feeling that Orochimaru and Itachi both are going to be there."

"What?"

"Well I've grown to expect it."

"Well it's true that Orochimaru and Itachi have both been acting a little weird lately. Particularly Itachi. I mean he acted totally gay last time we saw him."

"True, but I think that its because of the fact that he didn't take his emo/stoic-murderer pills."

"His what?"

"Itachi has these pills that cause him to act emo. Either he forgot to take his pills or he ran out of them."

"Oh. Well we just have to be extra careful about the wedding then."

Sasuke sighed.

"Sakura, All I wanted was a small wedding with our friends. But know I'm going to have a big wedding with the whole entire village."

"Um, Sasuke, it's not just our village that's going to be here. Ino invited a lot of people from Suna."

Sasuke froze.

"Uninvite them."

"I can't just uninvite them. Besides they've already started sending wedding gifts."

Sakura gestured to a huge pile of unopened gifts.

"And we already finalized the guest list so there's no changing it. Besides don't worry about the wedding. Everything is done. Well almost everything, we don't have a caterer for the reception. But Ino's taking care of that."

"Sakura, there's no way I'm getting out of this huge wedding is there?"

"Nope. But no worries. You can just look forward to the honeymoon."

* * *

With Ino:

"Shikamaru! Where did I put those catering brochures?"

"I don't know. Did you leave them in your purse?"

"Let me check... Yep, here they are. Okay, let's see. OTO Catering Service, they sound interesting."

Ino grabbed the phone and dialed.

"Yes, I was wondering how much you charge to cater a wedding reception of 900... 1,989.00! WOW! That's cheaper than a lot of other caterers. We'll take it... The name of the Bride and Groom? Okay. The Bride is Sakura Haruno and the Groom is Sasuke Uchiha... The date is July 09, 2008... Yes I know that it's only two weeks from now. You will? Thank you very much.

* * *

Orochimaru's lair:

"No thank you. Goodbye."

Orochimaru hung up the phone and started to laugh as Kabuto walked into the room.

"Guess what Kabuto-kun, I'm catering Sasuke-kun's wedding."

"Oh no. Please don't tell me that I have to help."

"You have to help."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Kabuto started crying. Orochimaru started cooking.

"Kabuto, quit crying and help me. Ms. Yamanaka will be calling again soon to let me know where the reception is going to be held."

* * *

Two weeks later:

"Wow Sasuke, I didn't think that you would actually go through with this huge wedding in the end."

"Of course I'm going through with it. I'm doing it for Sakura."

It was the big day. Sasuke was a nervous wreck. Just no one knew he was. After all he is an Uchiha.

"So Sasuke, This is it. Are you ready to kiss your days as a bachelor goodbye?"

"Of course I am."

"Well then, say goodbye, because here she comes."

The wedding march started playing and Sakura started to walk down the aisle. When she got to Sasuke she was blushing. She slowly made her way to Sasuke. When she got there she turned to face Sasuke. Tsunade began the wedding process.

"Dearly beloved (hic) we are g(hic)athered here to d(hic)ay to join these four in wooly matrimoney."

If looks could kill, then Tsunade would be dead. Because Sakura was giving her a glare that rivaled both the Uchiha glare and the Hyuga glare.

"If there's anybody here (hic) who thinks these t- Sakura quit moving- two should not (hic) be wed, speak now or n-never speak again (hic)."

Everyone sweat dropped. Just then Itachi jumped up and started to run over to where the lovely couple was standing.

"I, Itachi Uchiha, object to this marriage."

"Why?"

"Because I didn't get invited to the wedding. And because my brother doesn't deserve to get married, because his eyes aren't nearly as cool as mine."

Sasuke glared at his brother. His sharingan activated.

"The Uchiha glare doesn't work on me brother."

"SHUT UP ITACHI!! SIT DOWN AND DON'T SPEAK UNTIL AFTER THE WEDDING, OR ELSE!!"

Everyone froze. Even Tsunade sobered up a little. Just a little.

"Okay, n-(hic)ow that that's over, do you (hic) Sasuke, take Sakura to be your (hic) husband, until death do you part?"

"Um, I do?"

"Good. Now (hic) do you Saku-(hic)ra take Sasuke to be your wife, until death do you part?"

Sakura growled.

"I do."

"Then I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the groom."

And with that Tsunade fainted.

* * *

At the reception:

"Kabuto, my plan is working perfectly."

Kabuto was crying while mixing more punch. His tears were mixing with the punch. Sasuke and Sakura came over to give their thanks to the caterers. They froze when they saw that it was Orochimaru and Kabuto.

"WTF?"

Sakura turned to glare at Ino with daggers in her eyes.

"INO! WHY THE HELL DID YOU HIRE OROCHIMARU AS THE CATERER?"

"Sorry, I didn't know it was him."

Sakura screamed.

"Orochimaru! Get out of here now!"

"Not with out the promise of me getting a little Sasuke when you get pregnant!"

"NEVER!"

Then Sakura punched Orochimaru and Kabuto all the way to Tim-Buk-To.

Everyone stared at Sakura with wide eyes. No one wanted to piss her off. Tsunade woke up.

"What did I miss?"

* * *

Kyubbisealer: Alright, I'm sorry to say that this is the last chapter of Orochimaru's Cookies. This chapter may not be the best and I know that. But I wanted to get this finished for all of you.

Sakura: This is it?

Sasuke: Don't worry she'll write other fics.

Kyubbisealer: If you have any ideas for a fic I'll be glad to write it. After all this whole thing came from an idea from one of my reviewers. So review, and tell me what you think, and give me an idea for a fic.


	7. Orochimaru's Ramen

Kyubbisealer: Hey everyone, it's been a long time I know. But now I'm back and ready for some more crack.

Sakura: It's about fucking time. You have been very lazy lately.

Sasuke: I agree with Sakura-chan.

Naruto: RAMEN!!!

Kyubbisealer: Wtf?

Naruto: I just wanted to be part of the conversation.

Kyubbisealer: Whatever. I don't own Naruto.

* * *

Orochimaru's lair:

"La la, la la, elmo's world."

Kabuto was singing the elmo's world song while skipping through the lair. He wasn't paying any attention to where he was going and skipped right into a door that was being opened by Orochimaru.

"Ah, Kabuto, good. I need your assistance."

"With what?"  
"I need help preparing a memorial service for my master."

"But you killed the third hokage months ago. And you want to honor his memory now?"

"Not him. My other master. Michael Jackson."

A sweat drop appeared on Kabuto's forehead.

"Very well."

"Then you have to help me with my next plan. OTO Ramen!"

Kabuto groaned.

'_Here we go again.'_

* * *

Naruto's apartment:

Hinata was looking through Naruto's cupboards. She saw a lot of ramen. She picked some up and saw that they had expired. She threw them away. Then she started to look at all of the others. They were all expired! Hinata sighed. What was she going to do with Naruto?

"Hey Hinata! What are you doing? Why are you throwing all of my instant ramen away?"

"N-Naruto, they were e-expired. If you ate them then you would have gotten sick."

"Oh. But now what am I going to eat?"

"We can go to the store and buy some more."

"Okay!"

Uchiha Compound:

Sasuke was staring at Sakura and she was staring at him.

"Sasuke, get me some ramen NOW!!!"

"No."

"DAMN IT!!! I'M PREGNANT AND I'M NOT IN THE MOOD! NOW GET ME SOME RAMEN!!!"

Sasuke sighed. When would these mood swings be over?

"Fine."

* * *

At the Grocery Store:

Naruto was staring at the shelves when someone hit him on the head.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"Because I felt like. Hello Hinata."

"Hello S-Sasuke."

"Dobe, tell me which brand of instant ramen is the best so I can get back to Sakura."

"I would, but they only have one brand. OTO Ramen."

"Fine I'll take it. Later."

With that Sasuke left.

* * *

Back at the Uchiha Compound:

Sasuke took the ramen to Sakura and watched her eat. Then all of a sudden, Sakura stood up.

"I must go to Lord Orochimaru."

"What? Why?"

"Because I have to tell him the secret."

"Secret? What secret?"

"_The _secret."

With that Sakura left. Leaving a confused Uchiha behind.

* * *

Akatsuki Compound:

"Kisame!!! Somebody stole my emo/stoic murderer pills!!!"

Kisame started to break into a panic. Kakuzu walked into the main room and saw Kisame running back and forth.

"What's going on?"

"Someone stole all of Itachi's emo/stoic murderer pills!!!"

"Those pills in Itachi's bathroom?"

"Yes."

"I sold those. They fetch a rather high price. I took half of the money and put it in an account. The rest of it was used to buy crack for Tobi."

"What the hell?!? You sold Itachi's medicine and bought Tobi crack?"

"Yes."

* * *

Orochimaru's lair:

"_Maybe if I'm really quiet and stay hidden, Lord Orochimaru won't find me."_

"Hello Kabuto."

"Shit."

"Kabuto I need you to prepare refreshment for our guests."  
"What guests?"

"Why, all of our female guests, and the Kyuubi vessel."

"Why are they here?"

"Because of my mind controlling ramen."  
"Orochimaru, this is just like the pancake incident!"

But Orochimaru wasn't listening, he was busy listening to all the secrets that the women had.

* * *

Hokage's office:

"WHERE IS SAKURA?"

"She went to Orochimaru. Because she ate some of his OTO Ramen and you want us to go and rescue Sakura and destroy that snake bastards lair. Again."

"Well yes. That is exactly what I want you to do."

Sasuke and Kakashi left.

"Wait, what about Naruto?"

* * *

Akatsuki compound:

"Damn you Kakuzu!"

Pein and the other Akatsuki members where being tortured by Itachi, because there weren't any more of the emo/stoic murderer pills left, and Itachi was dancing around singing 'I'm a little teapot'.

* * *

Orochimaru's lair:

"Now lovely Sakura, what secret do you have?"

"Well I have one about Sasuke."

"Oh, really?"  
"Yup."

Just as Sakura was about to tell Orochimaru her secret Sasuke and Kakashi broke in.

"Come on Sakura. You to dobe. Kakashi, Can you take care of everything here?"  
"Certainly."

Sasuke took Naruto and Sakura and began running back to the village. Behind them they heard Kabuto and Orochimaru screaming in pain.

* * *

Kyubbisealer: okay, tell me what you think.

Sakura: It was okay.

Sasuke: Could have been better.

Naruto: RAMEN!!!

Kyubbisealer: Give me a break. I haven't written anything in a long time. Now click that review button and leave a review. Please.


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